Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your cock deserves a montage
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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