I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
