I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
