just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
