then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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