Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
