Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
