new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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