Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
