I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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