i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
