I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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