i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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