if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
