someone get that fucking seahorse.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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