Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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