I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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