You just made me feel so damn special
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
