No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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