I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
