In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
