Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
