Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
