Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
