I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
