Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
