I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
