Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
