So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
