Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
