worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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