He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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