before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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