There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
