There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
