Umm I'm too high to move.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
