Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
