so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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