Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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