I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
