Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
