Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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