I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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