The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
