im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
