It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
