ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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