JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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