break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
