If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
