He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
