oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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