There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
