We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
