I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
