eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
