I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
