you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
