i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize