butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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