She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
