I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
