your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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