you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
