i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
