If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
