Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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