she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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