i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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