you mean i was at the winter classic?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's blow job season.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
