I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
